workinprogress

A Bright Idea, Indeed!

2009-08-06T11:37:00.005+08:00

"Whose bright idea is this again?", my officemate asked jokingly as we turned the block for I think the 3rd time looking for the end of the queue so we could fall in line too. The line was for those who want to view tita Cory's casket. Of all the days, we decided to visit the night before her interment. A bright idea indeed!

Around 8pm, we finally found the end of the line, thanks to a martial who directed us where to go! Armed with umbrellas and comfortable sandals, as well as cell phones, cameras and i-pods to amuse ourselves, we waited patiently. To make the wait more enjoyable, some people exchanged jokes. Some sang; some ate their baons. Some got busy with their
mini televisions while others bought snacks and yellow stuffs from the enterprisers. (A lot of people took the opportunity to do business. Some sold yellow umbrellas, hankies, pins, wristbands and ribbons.)

After 2 hours of waiting, hungry and wet from the rain, I started to get pissed. The line was slow and a few times it got disorderly as some people tried to create another line from the middle of the queue. When we turned the block, the single file became four, and no martial nor policeman was in sight to organize us. Grrr!

My friend, Els, who I was chatting with, urged me to go home many times and asked me to just monitor the event from the news but I stubbornly refused. I insisted that I already spent too much time and effort, that it was only a matter of short time before I enter the church, that I was determined to finish it. Somehow, I sensed her frustration from the other end. She knows I could be so stubborn (but thanks, Els. I appreciate your concern. Talking to you made the wait more bearable.). *._.*

We queued for more than 5 hours in the midst of intermittent rain and flood. We were all dripping wet and cold when we finally had the chance to enter the Manila Cathedral.

'She looked different', I thought to myself when I finally had my turn to look at the casket. But tita Cory looked content. Her face still had that look of pleasantness, of kindness and serenity.

We were given just à few seconds to take a glimpse of tita Cory. We formed two lines; one line entered through the side and the other through the front of the church. The lines were orderly. We moved efficiently. We were in and out in no time. Senator Noynoy thanked us and shook our hands as we exited.

It might be something small for the bereaved family to stand there and thank us but for me, their effort to show their gratitude meant a lot. True, we queued for a long time and we got hungry, wet and tired but hey, they did not ask us to do so. They are mourning; they lost a loved one and if they wanted to throw a fit and just refused to see anyone I would have understood. Instead, they were there to show us that our little gesture was noted and appreciated. Food and drinks were offered at the exit area but we were so tired and sleepy to bother. We just wanted to get a cab and go home.

It was for me an unforgettable experience. I didn't go there because Cory was my favorite President (she's not, and I don't have one). I do not know much about what she did and stood for as a President. All I know is that during her term, the nation braved a major earthquake that killed a lot of people, a volcano who erupted and a number of coup attempts. I know that when her term ended, she immediately stepped down and went on with her life as a private citizen. I know that she's a woman admired for her gentleness and faith. She was a wonderful wife and mother.

From her children's testimonies, Cory is a picture of an ideal mother. She's the kind of mother most people want to have. Cory was her children's number one supporter and friend. For everything that Kris went through, a lesser person would have gone berserk, against Kris or against the media who feasted about her faux pas, but not Cory. True to her nature, Cory remained on Kris' side, ever patient and understanding, loving her unconditionally.

"Whose bright idea was this again?" my officemate and I asked each other when we went out of the church. But we decided it doesn't matter. We had the most wonderful experience. As Ninoy said 'the Filipinos are worth dying for', Cory was worth queuing for.

Second Encounter

2009-07-30T18:38:00.004+08:00

On our way to church a few weeks ago, an old woman approached me and my friend. It was obvious she was going to ask for something. Normally Iwould just walk away from strangers who would approach for fear that it might just be a modus operandi and I'd end up being victimized. Well, I heard stories. . . .

This time, I thought it was different so I stopped. For one, the woman was old, maybe in her 60s or 70s. Also, she didn't ask for money but for volunteers to come with her to the nearest Red Cross office. She needs a few bags of blood for her son who is in the hospital and in serious condition. "He needs immediate blood transfusion", the woman said. If there would be no volunteers, she needs to buy the blood herself for P800 per bag. The woman begged us to come with her and in between sobs she said she was willing to become our slave inorder to pay us. "Handa akong magpaalipin sa inyo mga anak" were her exact words. It broke my heart. She was crying and I couldn't help myself, I cried with her. I decided to help her. As I was getting ready to go with her to the Red Cross, I got a phone call, asking me where I was and that I was already late for a meeting. I remembered, yes, there was supposed to be a discipleship group meeting and I'm the facilitator. Darn, what do Ido? I considered just giving her the money so she can get the blood immediately. I have P2000; small amount compared to her son's life.

As my friend was buying food for the woman, (she fainted and she said she hasn't had breakfast), I called my friend who has a sister who works at the Red Cross. I asked her how we could help the woman, if there is any way to expedite things since this is a matter of emergency. I recounted the woman's story plus my plan to give her money. My friend warned me to be careful, to take it slowly, that the woman's story might be a fraud. She said she heard that same, exact story before. I couldn't believe it. That woman, if she's lying could win a best actress award. She could produce tears by the bucket!

Because of the warning, I took it slow. I told the woman that I just have a meeting that would go for one and a half hour. I would go directly to the red cross after the meeting. I asked for important details like her name and her son's, where to go if there are volunteers, and other details which she readily gave. I then gave her P100 so she could take a cab (she was planning to walk all the way to the RC).

When she left, I asked the guard to advertise the need for volunteers and gave him the details so that the volunteers can just go directly to the RC. We then analyzed what happened and realized that there were a lot of inconsistencies in the woman's story:

* She said her son was in serious condition, that he would die without the blood. If he is already confined, don't hospitals give patients immediate aid, like in this çase, the blood then ask the family to replace them later?

* If there is really a need for volunteers, isn't it easier to persuade your relatives to help instead of approaching strangers? Why didn't the woman go to those she knew first? Because the woman said she came straight from the hospital to us.

* When I told her to go ahead to Red Cross and then we wll follow after our meeting, suddenly she doesn't know where Red Cross is. We had to give her the directiona. Didn't she say she already went there? She was even quoted how much a bag of blood costs.

and a lot more that I couldn't remember now.

I remember saying then that it's okay if the woman was lying; that I'd prefer losing the P100 and shedding those tears than knowing that her son is dying and she can not even do something about it. One of the most painful things for a parent is to know your child is dying and you're helpless to do something about it. I was so sure then that if indeed the woman was lying, I would not feel bad.

Well, I was wrong! This morning, I had my second encounter with the woman. She's on another 'location' but has the same story. Yes, she still has the ability to produce tears within seconds.

I couldn't say I did not feel bad, because honestly, I did. I hate it that people capitalize on other people's emotions just to earn a few bucks. I don't like the alibis or the dramas they use (a dying son?!!!!).

Well, I may not like what they do but what can I say? I'm sure they have a very important motivation for doing what they're doing, I can just wish them better lives, I guess.

Apologetics

2009-07-27T20:19:00.004+08:00

In our Apologetics class in GLC, we were asked to critique an article. This is what I submitted. . .

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

We always hear from our teachers questions such as: How can we detect a lie from the truth? How can we differentiate a fake from the original? How do we tell something is pure while another is not?

In all these questions, crucial is knowing the real thing. Knowledge of the truth prevents us from believing that which is untrue. Knowing what is true keeps us from deceptions and their consequences.

But what if a person has never heard the truth, thus the doctrine that he clings to is his only "truth"? What if the person's "truth" is inconsistent with the bible? What if the person is basing his belief on something other than the bible? What if that which he is basing his beliefs on tells him to do certain things contrary to the truth? Too many what ifs, but as I try to critique the article, I find myself asking these "what ifs".

In college, one of my favorite subjects was logic. As I read the article, this syllogism came to mind:

"If God can do anything, he can make a stone so heavy that he can't lift it."

The first premise establishes a deity that has the capacity and power to move other objects. The second premise establishes an immovable object impervious to any movement. If the first object capable of moving anything exists, by definition, the immovable object cannot exist, and vice-versa.

What does syllogism have to do with the article?

For one, the syllogism I mentioned above helps explain the article. To make a syllogism true, premises should not contradict each other. Accepting only one premise as truth means rejecting the other premise. In the above syllogism, each premise is exclusive because the validity of one nullifies the other. Though the article was not presented as syllogisms, in a way, the truth that the bible contains and the points indicated in the article can be viewed as contradicting premises in a syllogism.

These questions were posed at the beginning of the article then were answered as the article went along:

* How many times do we have to offer mass for the dead? The writer doesn't have any answer to this. According to him, this can only be answered if we are able to calculate how big the sins of the dead person is that still needs to be repaid and we have to know where that dead person is. And since this can not be determined, this question can not be answered.

* Who will go to heaven first, those who have received many masses or those who received only a few? To this question, the author said that the answer to this can not be determined as the persons we are offering the masses can either be already in heaven or in hell and can not be helped anymore.

* How do we know if a person is already in heaven? We will never know as God does not give this information.

To the question "Can mass help a person who has done so many evil things in his life?", the author didn't really give a straight answer. In fact, he said that people should not be judged as evil because they might have shown contrition before they died.
I take it to mean that the question is wrong in the first place.

Basing on the article, it seems that there are a lot of things that we can not know. It is like a hit- and- miss thing. It must be really tiring to believe these things as they give no assurance of anything at all.

Through the course of the article, the following ideas were pointed out:

* Mass has an eternal value, that one mass is enough to pay for all the sins of a person. However, we will never know how many masses a dead person needs for his salvation since we don't know where that person is and how big his sins that still need to be repaid.

* We can never know who among the dead that are being offered masses goes to heaven first because only God determines the effectiveness of the offered prayers. Since this is so, it is difficult to know the effect of the mass and how many are needed to save one soul in the purgatory.

* The grace we receive everytime we offer a prayer for the dead, if not applied to the dead, is given back to the church to be given to those in need.

* We really can not know whether a person is already in heaven or not as God does not give us this information.

I do not agree with the article because it directly opposes what the bible teaches. The entirety of the article discussed the issues of indulgencies, purgatory, and eucharist. The author's arguments were presented as he expounded on each point. With this, I will not repeat each point and rebuff but will attempt to address the whole article by focusing on the author's main points.

Although the author expounded on the issues of indulgencies, eucharist and purgatory, all the arguments he gave to support these stemmed from his belief on salvation. Clearly, he believes that a person can earn his salvation. He believes that there is still a way to transfer a person's destination even after he has died. He believes that there are three possible destinations after death: heaven and hell which are final or purgatory which is not final. The souls in the purgatory can go to heaven if they earn enough prayers for their salvation.

The bible says that upon death comes the judgment. While we are still alive, we can still make a choice on our destination but after death, that would already be too late. We can not do anything anymore to change our destination. The only chance we have in choosing is while we are still alive.

The bible also teaches that salvation is only through the blood of Christ. If we repent of our sins and believe that Jesus died on the cross to pay for our sins and put our faith in Him as our only savior and lord, then we are saved. There is nothing we need to add to that anymore. We are transferred from our supposed-to-be destination which is hell to the life of eternity with Jesus in heaven. Salvation is God's free gift and we can only avail of it by grace through faith. This is Jesus' work and this is complete. We can only accept it or reject it and nothing else because what Jesus did on the cross is complete; it is a finished work. 1 Peter 3:18 says Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous to bring us to God.

The bible does not support that mass can pay for all the sins of a person. What the bible says is that Jesus died on the cross for all our sins. Only Jesus is qualified to be the propitiation for all our sins because He is the only one who is blameless. The bible says there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus (1 Timothy 2:5). Mass doesn't do anything at all for our salvation. People might sincerely believe that a mass can save people but they would just be sincerely wrong.

I really do not get how indulgencies can help save a person. It doesn't make any sense to me at all. Where is the sense of Jesus having to die on the cross if indeed we can earn our salvation? The bible says that "if righteousness comes through the Law, then Christ died needlessly" (Galatians 2:21). A man is not justified by the works of the Law but through faith in Christ Jesus, even we have believed in Christ Jesus, so that we may be justified by faith in Christ and not by the works of the Law; since by the works of the Law no flesh will be justified (Galatians 2:16).

Like I said earlier, the truths of the bible and the points articulated in the article are opposing premises in a syllogism. There is only one truth that we need to cling to and that is what the bible supports. We are blessed to hold the true end of it.

However, the "what ifs" I mentioned earlier still bother me.

What if a person has never heard the truth, thus the doctrine that he clings to is his only "truth"?

What if the person's "truth" is inconsistent with the bible?

What if the person is basing his belief on something other than the bible?

What if that which he is basing his belief tells him to do certain things contrary to the truth?

The author's points are understandably in error because he is a classic description or the subject of my "what ifs". I think the better question we need to raise now and the challenge for us is

KNOWING WHAT WE DO, WHAT CAN WE DO TO HELP A PERSON EMBRACE THE TRUTH FROM THE BIBLE?

Gong Yoo Fever

2008-03-30T15:36:00.010+08:00

i am going through a funny phase. i have not felt this since highschool (which is a long time ago) wherein i had a huge crush on yves dignadice, pba player of san miguel. what crazy things i did then -- composing poems for him, writing to radio stations and confessing my undying love for him, writing him letters, exchanging letters with his fans, posting his pictures in my room, etc. etc. i thought i have graduated from that.

then i met arthur. . . .

arthur is gong yoo in the tagalized korean tv soap 'coffee prince'. i watched the first episode and i thought it was funny, something to help me de-stress after a long day of working and studying. before i knew it, i was hooked!

coffee prince was aired in the kapuso station for less than three months and for that whole time, i made sure not to miss any episode. as if that is not enough, i also watched the korean version with its english subtitle (and two more gong yoo soaps). it could have been more as i listed all of gong yoo's tv series and planned to watch them all. too bad, i couldn't find them here.

meeting 'arthur' has caused many changes in my life. my hobby now includes watching his videos and scouring the internet for pictures and stories about him. i became interested in korea and felt an affinity to everything korean. my goal is to visit korea someday. hay, i think i'm going crazy.

anyway, i wonder how long this phase would be.

for the meantime, let's enjoy gong yoo together.

What's the mood?

2008-02-27T20:25:00.004+08:00

I was sorting my stuff last night and I came across this old notebook. In the notebook are some half-finished pieces ( I couldn't even call them literary art).

I guess it's so easy to guess what I was feeling then. *._.*
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

(dated 11 March 2007)
How is it that the more I know about you
the more I realize my unworthiness,
The more I learn about your works
the more I am made aware of my sinfulness?
I am reduced to nothingness,
stripped of my so-called achievements
I don't deserve any praise
whatever I have is by your grace.

(dated 17 March 2007)
i know something died in me
i just don't know what could it be
can you please be with me
help me have a deeper look inside of me.

i used to be vibrant, so full of life
everything around me was so gay and light
the day i lost you, nothing seemed right
all my days turned into nights.

i couldn't blame you if you found someone new
i drove you away, i made you blue
i hope i can say i still love you
that it kills me to see you go.

(dated 18 March 2007)
tears drenched my pillow
because i miss you
i wanted to say hello
and that i still love you.

sadness fills my heart
because we are apart
can we have a fresh start
a chance to talk, to chat?

loneliness overwhelms me
knowing that you're no longer free
our time has ended i can clearly see
no one should be blamed but me.

oh, i love you so
i will love no one, only you
it kills me to see you go
what should i do, please don't go.

i guess it's time to say goodbye
to let you go and maybe cry
someday all my tears will dry
when i think of you i will just sigh.

i'll be fine i know
and i'm sure you'll be too
so please go there's really nothing to say and do
a happy life, that's my wish for you.

(dated 19 March 2007)
it's been to long feeling this way
i'm confused, i don't know what to say
i loved you, in fact i still do
i don't understand why i let you go.

they say it's the right thing to do
we're not good for each other so better to let go
if it were true, how come i can't forget you
in my heart there is only you.

Beyond What's Trivial

2008-02-27T17:00:00.005+08:00

I could think of only two words to describe the time elapsed from my last blog and today -- BUSY, HECTIC.

Yes, life had been busy and hectic for me the past many weeks. Deadlines at work and at school plus family affairs filled my calendar. I realized that during those times, I made my most important relationship -- my relationship with God, take the backseat. God is God anyway. If I don't pray enough or if I don't spend quiet times with Him enough or if I don't read the bible enough, He would understand. He always understands.

But why do I feel bad? I feel that something in me has weakened. There is a part inside that dried up. I feel a certain longing that no amount of busyness or even happiness can fill. I feel a relationship estranged. I feel a fellowship broken. I feel a connection cut off. I feel a certain thirst and hunger that no food nor drink can satiate. I feel lost and deprived. I feel that I am missing a big deal.

I realized that I really AM MISSING A BIG DEAL out of life. I spent too many times running after the "good" things that this world can offer at the expense of what is essential. No wonder I feel lacking.

I realized that the more I pursue worldly things, the more I am left feeling in need of more. There seems to be no contentment. There is unending focus on the self and what the self can get more out of this world. There's that drive to get just a little bit more, and then a little bit more. . . That kind of life is tiring.

Last night I attended the bible study fellowship. Classes started last Tuesday but I was absent last week. Topic for this period is the book of Matthew. Assignment for last night was an overview of the whole book and the reference -- the whole of Matthew, all 28 chapters!!! It was overwhelming for me, especially after those many weeks of "rest" but I'm glad and excited to be back. I can now change my focus -- from myself and from trivial to something which is eternal. Hopefully, this would put a sense of order into the disarray which has become my life.

I'm still busy; my schedule is still hectic but this time, I'm keeping my time more worthwhile. my busyness goes beyond what's trivial. *._.*

Strengthening the Inner Man

2008-01-30T18:09:00.000+08:00

Part of my major to dos of 2008 is making my physical body fit by trying (operative word -- trying) to have a healthy diet, enough rest and exercise. So as to follow through on this, I've been trying to fit in gym skeds into my already full schedule and experimenting on healthy diets. It stretches me a little but I know that a healthy body is important.

When I heard the church message last Sunday, I was rebuked. Here I am, trying things to have a healthy body but forgotten the state of the inner man -- the most important above all, the condition of my soul. I wonder, am i nurturing my soul with "healthy food" and "exercise"?

Admittedly, I couldn't say that "as the deer pants for the water so my soul longs after thee." I want to have that desire to grow not just in the knowledge but in the love of God. This song contains my very prayer:

Deeper In Love

There is a longing only You can fill
A raging temptest only You can still
My soul is thirsty Lord
To know You as I'm known
Drink from the river
That flows before your throne

Take me deeper
Deeper in love with You
Jesus hold me close in Your embrace
Take me deeper
Deeper than I've ever been before
I just want to love You more and more

How I long to be deeper in love
Sunrise to sunrise
I will seek Your face
Drawn by the Spirit
To the promise of Your grace
My heart has found in You
A hope that will abide
Here in Your presence
Forever satisfied

2008 Major To-Dos

2008-01-08T19:07:00.000+08:00

At the start of a new year, it is a common practice for people to make a list of the things or habits they want to change or implement throughout the year. Some call it new year's resolution; I call it major to-dos. I don't know if the way it is called makes any difference to others but it sure does to me.

I've been used to making resolutions for many years and seeing those resolutions forgotten at the onset of the first quarter. I realized that maybe the reason I couldn't follow through those resolutions is because I put more effort in the writing than in the thinking of what really needs to be written. I make a list -- the longer the better without really committing into it. Besides, the frequency of this being forgotten made me think that resolutions are made to be broken. *._.*

This year, I made a careful assessment of my life and how I want to make some changes. These I put into a list and labeled it My Major To-Dos.

1) Topping my list is the one that concerns my physical health. I have gained too much weight throughout the year and this has caused me difficulty in breathing, lethargy and other associated ailments. This year, I would observe discipline in the food I will eat, in exercising and in taking rest and sleep. This is recognizing that my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and so I must take good care of it.

2) I will also make my emotional and spiritual health glow. I commit to be consistent in my daily quiet times, devotions and prayer. I would surround myself with good friends who can help me in achieving this particular goal.

3) I would live simply so that I could cut down on my expenses. I will allot a portion of my salary to savings. This year, I would focus on my needs and not on wants. I will make a written budget and follow through it. I will pay off my bills the moment I receive them. As much as possible, I will pay the total amount due in all my credit cards. I will prayerfully consider maintaining just 1 or 2 cards to be used during emergencies.

4) I will be faithful in giving my tithes and offerings. I would be generous in my giving to my missionary friends and church.

5) I will deliberately reach out to people to show them God's love and be a channel of God's blessings.

6) I will endeavor to build up people and not to tear them down.

7) I will direct my complaints to the people concerned, or better yet, to God.

8) I will do something thoughtful for my loved ones at least every month.

I know that these won't be easy to do. There would be times that I would love to do the opposite of the things I've written, that I would fail. It's okay. I would just continue to keep in mind that the things I've listed are my to-dos; that if they do not get done today, then I still have the remaining days of the year to accomplish them. That is the antidote of quitting.

New Year's Blues

2008-01-08T18:50:00.002+08:00

Which is harder to do, share in someone's joy or share in his/her sorrow?

Before Christmas, I heard that my discipler's brother died in his sleep. This same discipler's father passed away a month earlier. I didn't have a hard time sharing in her sorrow. I, together with the other D-12 ladies went to Baguio to attend the wake and the interment, and to help comfort the family in their time of grief. Sharing in the family's bereavement somehow came naturally.

A few minutes before the new year's day, my bestfriend (who is the sister of my ex) called. In the middle of our conversation, she mentioned that my ex's wife is already pregnant. It was a good news; everybody in their family has been waiting for the coming of a baby. However, I couldn't share in their joy. I felt a pinch somewhere inside my heart.

I couldn't understand my feelings. I thought I was okay-okay. My reaction to that news made me wonder if I was ever okay or I was just successful in hiding the pain for that long a time. Am I back to round 1 again? Will I traverse that long road of trying to let go and get over all over again? Haven't I accomplished anything?

(Sigh) . . . and so I had my new year's blues . . . .

Christmas Message

2007-12-19T12:34:00.000+08:00

CHRISTMAS!!!

What comes to mind when we hear that word? Frenzied shopping and creatively wrapped gifts of different shapes and sizes? Can you smell and taste that holiday food - delicious ham, baked chicken, keso de bola, fruit cake, maybe some wine? Fun-filled parties and family reunions? Trying on a special outfit while the kids enjoy the latest toys? Holding on just a bit longer to those newly-minted crisp peso bills from the year-end bonus? Those precious days of vacation and a long-awaited break from the usual routines? Santa Claus and Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer?

As a child, I looked forward to Christmas as that special time of the year for new clothes, toys, lots of food and gifts. It was also a time for family get- togethers. Even relatives from far away places spend hard-earned foreign and local currency to come home and celebrate Christmas with the rest of us. It seemed to me that the usually colder weather, all that gift-giving and eating and partying made people more friendly and happy than they usually are. I started to believe that at least once a year, at Christmas, we have the chance to forget problems and set aside grudges and let love, peace and goodwill to all men reign. Christmas became special because of all the prosperity, fun, and good cheer it connotes. So I had always been excited about Christmas.

But was this really all that Christmas is supposed to be?

There's a story told of a woman who prepared a splendid and very grand celebration for her son's first birthday. She made sure everything was there—the food, the decors and party favors, the band and musicians. The balloons were there, and there was even a magician. Indeed, it was a happy party and everyone was having a great time. Finally, someone remembered to ask where the celebrant was. They looked all over the house and their search led them to the child's bedroom where they were horrified to find the baby in his crib, all-dressed up for the party but forgotten and now suffocated to death by the coats and jackets of the guests that had been piled unknowingly on top of him.

This story strikes painfully at my heart because I realize that I'm like that mother and the other party guests - so preoccupied preparing for and partying at Christmastime but forgetting all about the celebrant. I would clean up and brighten the house with decors, put up the Christmas tree and spend much time dressing it up with tinkles, balls and bells, set aside money and weekends shopping for and preparing gifts for everybody, plan and prepare delicious foods for the traditional noche buena, delight in the Christmas carols dominating the airwaves, and invite guests over to share in the festivities.

But where was the celebrant? Lying there lifeless in his wooden manger, on display somewhere in our home but, in truth, forgotten and uninvolved in all the celebration. If I were to be honest, He wasn't really the reason for all the fuss. All the hustle and bustle of Christmas has become really just another excuse to satisfy our own pleasures, rather than celebrate with joy the Christ for whom this season is named.

We forget that this man, Jesus, born more than 2000 years ago, is not just any ordinary birthday celebrant. Jesus is the Son of God. At Christmas, we give the best gifts to those we love the most. God so loved the world (that's you and me and every other person on this earth) that He gave His best, His one and only begotten Son, Jesus, so that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life. The gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus. This gift had an enormous price tag no person on this earth could ever pay - Jesus paid for it with His own life.

Listen with your heart to the lyrics of this familiar song:

As little children, we would dream of Christmas morn
And all the gifts and toys we knew we'd find
But we never realized a baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives.

We are the reason that He gave His life
We are the reason that He suffered and died
In a world that was lost He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live..."

Jesus Christ is what Christmas is all about. When He was born over 2000 years ago, He shared in our humanity so that by His death He might free everyone from the fear of death and by His resurrection, those who believe in Him may also have new life. And that is definitely reason for celebration and rejoicing!

Christmas is certainly a season for gift-giving. Traditionally, we give gifts to those we love. Yet we love because He first loved us. We ought to be giving gifts generously because we first have received the greatest gift of all. All the expensive and fancy gifts we can think of in this world give us pleasure, but only for a moment. Want to know the best gift to give to all your loved ones? God's gift to you of eternal life in Jesus is a gift that doesn't need batteries, never fades or shrinks, never conks out, never goes out of fashion, never falls apart, and never diminishes in value. It's the one thing you can take with you everywhere, even to eternity. Afraid you don't have enough to get gifts for everyone? God's gift of eternal life can be shared and passed on to all. Whether you already have plenty or are still in want, God's gift is still the most precious you will ever receive. If we share this gift with more and more people, then surely this world will again remember the reason to celebrate Christmas.

So, I ask you again - what comes to your mind when you hear the word Christmas? CHRIST JESUS should be the only answer.

Take His gift given to you in love and by grace, enjoy it and share it with the world that desperately needs to know what Christmas is really all about. A blessed Christmas to you all!!!

If Only

2007-12-18T17:06:00.002+08:00

I don't know what it is with me today. I feel so melancholic. It seems that with a little prodding or provocation, my tears would fall. Is this just PMS? Am I going crazy or something? Maybe something . . . .

This afternoon I spoke with Nanay. We were talking about her mother (my lola, deceased for more than 5 years) then suddenly I started choking up and started my "if only" lines --

-- if only she had died much later, when I was already in my present job, then I could have given her much more

-- if only our relatives cared for her better, maybe she'd still be alive today

-- if only, if only, if only - unending if onlys.

I thought I've settled this before but now I'm stuck again with this dead end. I couldn't shed off the sadness that goes with the if only. Maybe I've not dealt with this fully that's why every now and then, this if only issue comes and pops its ugly head on me. Maybe I need to settle this once and for all.

I don't like, ever, to say those two words again. It's miserable to be living in regrets. Sabi nga ng isa kong friend shit happens - sometimes my fault; sometimes the others'; sometimes it's nobody's fault. The fact is -- shit happens talaga. So what do I do in situations like that - sulk and blame myself? Sulk and blame others? Sulk, blame myself, blame others and wish things didn't happen the way they did? None of these can help me move on.

Things happen for a purpose. I may not be able to get all the answers that I want in this lifetime, the fact still remains that there is someone who controls everything and that someone is on my side so why do I need to sulk?

I realized, if onlys are the work of the devil because he is a divider and an accuser. He wants people to live miserably.

Next time, when you get tempted to wallow in your own version of if onlys, bear in mind that it's the devil working. Don't give him any attention. That's the best way to thwart his plan. He will never succeed.

New Hope

2007-11-22T17:52:00.000+08:00

For these past days, things have become more difficult to my aunt as she started to care for my uncle Manny who has cancer. He is not yet bed-ridden but Uncle Manny has become irritable and he gets very angry to the littlest of things. He also becomes very, very quiet sometimes. This is very different from the Uncle Manny I used to know. He used to be very jolly; he doesn't frown and most especially, doesn't shout. This is understandable given the circumstances.

All these things are taking their toll on my aunt. She seems to be the one carrying all the burden. She takes care of everything -- the family needs, the finances, my uncle's medical needs, etc. Aside from all the problems, she also has her own grief to take care of. She couldn't even cry openly because she doesn't want her husband to think that she's losing hope. She is like the shock absorber in the family.

Last week, when we heard the doctor, we were in a rush to start uncle Manny's chemotherapy to "buy him another three months". Fortunately, their doctor friend in Canada is not in agreement to the plan. He advised us to either have more tests done or get a second opinion. We opted for a second opinion.

Yesterday, Uncle Manny and Aunt Lorie talked to another doctor and her diagnosis gave us a little more hope. She said that according to tests, the cancer has not spread to the bones yet and it is not yet stage 4 but 3. Uncle Manny will still undergo chemo but on lighter doses. He would weaken a bit but he would still be able to do his normal routine everyday. There is still a big possibility of the tumor to get smaller and for it to be removed through surgery. Thank God!

Uncle Manny is still in danger but these new findings gave us new hope. We continue to cling to this hope and trust God that my uncle would still be healed.

I thank everyone who has been praying with us. May you continue to be with us in prayer as we await God's plan unfold through this.

I Refuse to Ask God "Why" . . . .

2007-11-15T19:50:00.000+08:00

For the past weeks, hurtful things have been happening to our family. One hurtful thing was the way my father lost the elections and how he was betrayed by his so-called friends. It was heart-breaking to see him alone; left by the friends he trusted. We tell him to move on and forget about his friends because they are not worth his sadness but of course, the pain doesn't easily just go away. By the grace of God, he is now slowly feeling better.

I found out that though this issue about my father hurts, his losing the elections is nothing compared to my uncle Manny having stage 4 lung cancer. What is more devastating is the fact that he was just recently diagnosed (28 October 2007, to be exact) of it and now the cancer has spread throughout his body.

My father's issue, though it hurts, will pass and soon he will smile again, but my uncle might not stay here long enough to smile on us.

I had an indirect bout with cancer when the lady I disciple in church had breast cancer. It was hurtful when we first heard about it and when we saw her difficulties during her chemo sessions. Thank God, she has been cancer-free for more than a year now. I thought that was the closest and last encounter I'd have with cancer but I was mistaken. When I heard the news about my uncle, I felt like the world stopped. There's just heaviness and emptiness inside.

This afternoon, I took a half-day leave from work to accompany my aunt (wife of Uncle Manny) to the doctor. She wanted to see Uncle Manny's doctor because she wanted to get honest answers -- is there a chance of survival? how long does he have? what can we do? what options do we have? will he have so much pain? how much time does he have? how much does it cost? etc. etc.

She has been staying in Canada for the past three years and so she hasn't seen Uncle Manny for so long. She just flew home when she heard about Uncle Manny's condition. Until now, they haven't seen each other because Uncle Manny went to Hong Kong to get the rest of his stuff. He was hoping to return there while waiting for his immigration papers in Canada. They were supposed to leave for Canada next year.

Anyway, our appointment was at 2:30pm. We were told that we are 6th in the appointment list. When we arrived around 1:30pm. I told the doctor's assistant that we were already there; that if the people listed in numbers 1-5 are not yet there, if she could please call us. After a few minutes, she ushered us into the doctor's office.

The doctor seems kind. I can see the compassion in the way he speaks. He is gentle. He patiently explained to us the extent of Uncle Manny's condition. Though he is very nice, he is also very honest and he doesn't have any good news to tell. We were told that the cancer has spread throughout Uncle Manny's body and that there is no more cure. He has approximately 6 months to live if he doesn't take any treatment. If he would have chemotheraphy and if his body responds to it properly, this would only help him feel comfortable, to ease his coughing, to allow him to have better sleep and appetite. Unfortunately, the chemo won't be able to fight the cancer anymore. If his body responded to treatment, his life might be prolonged for around 3 months, if he is lucky, around 4 months.

I couldn't breathe when I heard that. I struggled not to cry. I thought I have to appear strong for my aunt's sake. Her face was full of pain. Of course, what worse news is there than knowing that your husband is dying? She didn't cry though. Maybe, she was just too numb to cry. If only I could take some of the pain so she'll feel better.

Uncle Manny will arrive on Saturday. They will talk then whether to pursue with the chemotherapy or not.

My heart feels so heavy but I'm sure the pain I feel is nothing compared to the pain my aunt and the rest of their family feel. I wonder what I can do to help.

Despite these things that have been happening, I fully trust God's goodness and I refuse to ask Him why these unpleasant things have been happening. I've experienced God's goodness and faithfulness for the past years. I know that He is in control of everything. Though some things might be hard to understand now, I'm sure that in His time, all will be brought to light. Someday, we will see things as they are. In the meantime, in spite of the pain, I need to sit still, knowing that God has my best interests at heart.

Amidst cancer, I thank God for the remaining time that my uncle still has. He has six months to enjoy and we have these six months to show him how important he is and how much we care for him. While others just go without warning, we have enough time to prepare.

I also thank God for the doctor and for his assistant. Their compassion and gentleness are really comforting.

I thank God for my Uncle's and Auntie's friends. They are unselfishly giving for Uncle Manny's treatment. They even organized a fund-raising event for him and the money are just pouring in.

Blessings are abounding. I can only ask that God use me as an instrument to show to my Uncle and Auntie and the rest of the family His real "face" -- loving, kind, gentle, faithful . . . .

Living Alive

2007-11-08T17:00:00.000+08:00

LIVING ALIVE
By Dero Pedero The Philippine STAR 06/07/2004

You are what you eat, and what you don't eat. Similarly, life depends on what you keep and what you don't keep. There are many things in life that people may keep but only a few are truly worth keeping. Here is a list of what to keep and how to keep yourself for a brighter, happier and more fulfilling life.

22 Things to Keep

Keep calm. Life can be unnerving and if you don't make an effort to keep collected and focused, you could easily lose your cool. Take regular, conscious deep breaths to calm and center yourself.

Keep your chin up. Not only is it good for your posture and diminishes your double chin, it also helps you maintain an "I can handle it" attitude. By keeping your chin up, you can keep your head above water.

Keep your spirits high. Always maintain a positive and joyful attitude. Remember that no one can perk you up like you yourself can. Keep your spirits high when the going gets rough by focusing on your dreams and counting your blessings.

Keep your word. The true measure of a man is if he keeps his word. Honorable and trustworthy is the man who stands by what he says and promises. It is important the think well before speaking because once a word is uttered and released into the universe, its vibrations could no longer be erased.

Keep in time with your inner drummer. Don't be swayed by others into following the confusing beat of their drums. Although it is sometimes necessary to adjust to the pace of others, it is best to keep in step with your personal rhythm and dance to your own music.

Keep in touch with the child in you. The source of creativity in your life is that little child within you. He questions, he marvels, he imagines and invents. Stay in touch with him, and be young and creative for life!

Keep abreast with the times. The world is moving so fast. Know what's happening, what's in style, what's au courant, what's relevant, what's important. Learn the hottest trends and the latest in technology. Don't be caught in a time warp or you'll be left behind.

Keep in shape. Your shape shows your state of health. Your body is the vessel that you journey through life in. Keep it healthy and strong. Don't be one of those people who say, "I'm in shape; round is a shape!"

Keep your mouth shut. People talk too much. We language ourselves to our own destruction and defeat. Know when to talk and when to shut up. Avoid being verbose. Oftentimes, silence speaks more eloquently than words.

Keep good friends. Good friends are hard to find. Nurture friendships that make your plight through life easier, more meaningful and wonderful. Truly poor is the man who has no good friends.

Keep great memories, not heavy objects. In the very end, good memories of life are what we will be left with, not jewels and riches that we couldn't bring when we finally go. Live each moment beautifully. Linked together, these magical moments create a magnificent life.

Keep a diary. Writing a journal is therapeutic. Record the important events in your life, your dreams and aspirations, even your failures and disappointments. When you trace back events in your life, you are bound to learn lessons from them as well as find great inspiration and strength.

Keep saying grace and thanks. Blessed is he who says grace before he eats and gives thanks for all the gifts he receives daily. Maintain a thankful attitude and focus on your blessings instead of disappointments.

Keep on moving forward. The universe moves forward in time. Don't get stuck in the past; make an effort to move ahead to a better life. Drop those unnecessary pieces of material and emotional baggage that weigh you down and keep you from flying to your loftiest dreams.

Keep out of danger. He who exposes himself to danger finds it. Don't court danger; avoid it. As they say, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Look out for number one (that's you!), and always stay safe and
sound.

Keep up the good work. Success is built upon success. The more you do, the more you achieve; the more you achieve, the better you get at doing it. Make success a habit by keeping up the good work.

Keep young. Do everything in your power to stay strong, supple and youthful. Think young; feel young. A wise man once said "It is never too late to be what you might have been." Remember that age is a number and that youth is an attitude.

Keep on dancing. Life is a dance through space and time. Embellish whatever music life plays for you with your own fresh orchestration and creative choreography. Be excited in your heart and keep your feet light with happiness.

Keep on loving. Love is the reason we were created. Love diminishes when hoarded but multiplies when shared. Give it and feel it overflow in your heart. Love cures all sadness, pain and sorrow. Lonely is he who does not give love away and therefore gets none in return.

Keep on dreaming. Most men, even if they are young, are dead ? that is, if they could no longer dream. Our dreams are what keep us young and alive; they give us that sparkle in our eyes. Our dreams keep us going even while everything around us says, "Stop."

Keep on hoping. Never lose hope. Tomorrow will be another day that will bring new hope and greater blessings. Keep faith in the abundance of the universe and the mystery and perfection of life. Hope for nothing but the best and that's what you will be granted.

Keep on believing. Belief is the mother of reality. What you believe becomes your truth. Believe in yourself, believe in the magic of the universe, believe in the power of your dreams. And most of all, believe you can do it, so you can have all your heart's desires!

These You Must Not Keep

Don't keep up with the Joneses. Just because your neighbor bought a red Ferrari, you, too, must get one. Don't join the bandwagon and keep away from being one with the herd. Too much unhappiness in this world is caused by comparisons - comparing yourself and trying to measure up with other people. There is really no need to live up to others' expectations if it would just bring you inconvenience and misery.

Don't keep issues and grudges. The reason most of us stay miserable is because we keep issues, grudges, and problems. Detox yourself of complaints and issues that keep you from being the best that you could be. Try to solve all problems that beset you; never leave anything unresolved. The questions and puzzles of life are what make it challenging and exciting.

Don't keep resentments and memories of painful experiences. Life is not a bed of roses so you must learn to let go of negative feelings and memories of painful experiences. It's hard to go on living with a heavy heart. Pardon, forgive, forget if you can, and move on.

Updates

2007-11-05T18:25:00.000+08:00

So much has happened the past few days -- some were happy things; some are sad, heart-breaking even. I think I'll start with the most recent.

China Trip - 31 October to 4 November
Finally, our long planned trip to China was pushed through. It was a year-long planning; I thought it would just be a "drawing" but I'm glad it became a reality. This trip was especially memorable for me because it was my first time to go out of the country. I got my passport last September only and so I was excited to use it.

I am not very keen on travelling. Maybe because as a child, I used to have motion sickness. Every vehicle I rode, (with the exception of bi and tri-cycles) I threw up. Travelling has become a torture. I just got over this motion sickness when I was in college. I got used to travelling daily from home (Pacita, Laguna) to school (Taft Avenue). But then, travelling has never had any appeal to me. I tell my friend time and time again that I go to certain places not because of the view but because I want to be with friends. No wonder I don't remember the places I've been to; I just remember what transpired during those vacations.

This morning when I reported for work, my officemates were excited to know about my trip. To their eager questions, my reply was a very meaningful "It was okay". Very good answer, indeed.

The China trip, generally, went well. I liked Wuxi (my former boss' place), district in the Jiangsu Province. It is very clean and peaceful. The weather is cold. The houses are very nice -- it's like our nice villages but the houses are all highrise. There are a lot of parks. The roads are wide; all traffic lights are working; there are banks and commercial places everywhere. It is progressive and yet, life is laid back. It is relaxing. My former boss lives in a 3-floor condominium. His place is very beautiful but there are no elevators or escalators around. Imagine, we all had to carry our luggages up to the 5th floor (coz that's where he stays)!

We went to different places but I couldn't enumerate them all. I will just detail each by using some pictures.

On 2 November, we went to Shanghai via bullet train. This I enjoyed the most. The trip was true to its name -- bullet fast and yet it was comfortable.

I'm a little disappointed in Shanghai. It is a typical city -- dirty, traffic, crowded. But the night view is good. The lights and the buildings are nice.

Some of the things I noticed in their culture is that the people do not know how to say excuse me or sorry. Even if they bump into you or step on you, it's just as if nothing happened. They are also confrontational, I guess. There was this particular restaurant (the front label says "Deliciousness") that we went into. While the others were ordering, the rest of us looked for a table. We wanted to sit together (all 8 of us) so my friend and I moved one table to put them together. That made the waitress very mad. Muntik na niyang hablutin yung table and she kept on blabbing things that we were very sure were not nice at all. All the other customers were looking at us. When the "orderers" (my former boss included) came back, he explained that we needed to sit together because we were sharing food. The irate waitress still didn't want to move the chairs but still kept on talking. At long last, the chef came out and allowed us to move the tables. You could have thought that we were finally able to eat in peace but no, because the restaurant became more noisy then. More waitresses argued. Too bad we couldn't talk back.

The next two days were spent shopping and walking around the place. No untoward incident happened after that restaurant scene, thank God.

Barangay Elections - 29 October
My father ran as a barangay captain and lost. His losing could have been okay; in fact, I wanted him to quit politics. What's heartbreaking is how my father was betrayed by his so-called friends. They dropped him like a hot potato. They pushed him to run for elections and yet, when he did, they did not support him. Two of his partymates single-voted. What's so painful is that they voted for my father's opponent as the barangay captain. When the results came out, nobody even came to console or sympathize with my father. They were all in the new barangay captain's victory party.

That was so painful for me. The losing per se is nothing but to see my father alone on that moment was so heart-breaking.

Holding Out for the Best

2007-10-25T16:30:00.000+08:00

This was forwarded to me by a friend. Makes a lot of sense. *._.*
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

In a brief conversation,

a man asked a woman
he was pursuing the question:

"What kind of man are you looking for?"

She sat quietly for a moment before
looking him in the eye and asking,
"Do you really want to know?"

Reluctantly, he said "Yes."

She began to expound...

"As a woman in this day and age,
I am in a position to ask a man
what he can do for me that I can't do for myself.
I pay my own bills. I take care of my household
without the help of any man...
or woman for that matter.

I am in the position to ask,
"What can you bring to the table?"

The man looked at her.
Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.
She quickly corrected his thought and stated,
"I am not referring to money.

I need something more.
I need a man who is striving for perfection
in every aspect of life."

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms,
and asked her to explain.

She said "I am looking for someone
who is striving for excellence mentally
because I need conversation and mental stimulation.
I don't need a simple-minded man.

"I am looking for someone
who is striving for excellence spiritually
because I don't need to be unequally yoked...
believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster.

"I need a man who is striving for excellence financially because I don't
need a financial burden.

"I am looking for someone
who I can respect. In order to be submissive,
I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man
who isn't taking care of his business.
I have no problem being submissive.. .
he just has to be worthy.

"God made woman to be a help mate for man.
I can't help a man if he can't help himself."

When she finished her spiel, she looked at him.
He sat there with a puzzled look on his face.
He said, "You are asking a lot."

She replied, "I'm worth a lot

Kainis!

2007-10-24T15:19:00.000+08:00

Naiinis ako, although now that I'm writing about it, I am realizing that I have nothing to be angry about. ang labo ko din minsan. *._.*

I think, I am just atat, worried and paranoid combined.

Kasi naman, last month, BPHR's notice about the end of my contract arrived. I was saying "ang aga naman eh sa June pa naman ako magti-three years". Anyway, the deadline given to my supervisors was 8 November. I heard that the director delegated it to one of my supervisors.

It's now October and until now, I haven't seen any memo about it. Would I be confirmed or let go? I know the deadline of November 8 is far ahead but our director is out of town. He will only be back on Monday. By then, the one he assigned would have already been gone. He would go out of the country by 27 October and due to report to work on 12 November. Lampas na ng deadline nun. Pano nako?

Hmp! Bahala nga sila. If they won't confirm me, bahala sila. Thank you nalang yung MBA degree ko.

Fixing a Broken Heart

2007-10-22T13:55:00.000+08:00

Today, it saddened me to hear about a friend's broken relationship. I heard about it last week actually, but I thought (I was hoping) it was just an ordinary LQ. Apparently, this is more serious than that.

Two months before, another friend had to end her relationship with someone.

As a fairy tale girl who wants every ending, whether it be movie, novel or real life to be "they lived happily ever after", news of breaking-up is really a sad, sad news.

I remember my first broken heart back in 1992 (tagal na 'no?) when I caught my then boyfriend two-timing. It was really painful. All the descriptions I read in books about being broken-hearted (which I thought were corny before) like me nakatarak na matalim sa dibdib, me sementong nakadagan, etc. etc. were true. If I were to describe broken heart, I would say "it is worse than having a toothache, stomachace, headache and backache combined". There was this unexplainable heaviness of heart and a pain that is beyond comforting.

Anyway, when I went through that, I felt so lethargic. The mornings did not bring me any fresh start; in fact they brought me fresh tears. I did not have appetite. Sad songs seem to be always about me. I was lonely even in a crowd.

The nights were the hardest because sleep always escaped me. I think the only things that I wanted to do then were sulk and cry, but crying I did with more passion. Even in my sleep, I cried. Maybe, my crying was with a desperate hope that my tears would finally dry out and that my misery would end, (naks, misery daw o) but indeed, misery was a perfect description of what I felt then.

Maybe our good times were worth all the tears or maybe I was too plain foolish or maybe I was really "inlove", I stayed in that same relationship for a long-long time. Our on-break-on-break cycle took 15 years although counting all the years we were "on" would only take half of those years. Our relationship formally ended on 9 June 2007 - the day he got married - to no less than a friend of mine.

Weeks before the wedding, I was miserable. I was confused why he was getting married all of a sudden when he was still trying to come back to me (me mga konting kundisyones lang naman ako before accepting him with open arms again). I was miserable because the date of his wedding is my niece's first birthday and christening (so malamang, kita-kits kami sa church). I was miserable because he was having his wedding reception at their place, exactly 4 houses away from mine. I was miserable because I received lots of calls and sms asking why he was getting married with somebody else. I was plain miserable.

After the wedding, I thought I was done with the misery. I thought I would just spend sometime "hiding" then after that I'll be okay. Kaso mapagbiro ang tadhana.

My ex's sister who happens to be my bestfriend came home for the wedding. She would go back to London a week after the wedding. The day of her flight, I asked her to pass by the office to get the stuffs I bought for her and for us to have lunch together. Sukat ba namang mag-text while on her way here na she's with my ex and my ex's wife. Grabe!!!

To cut the long story short, I survived that ordeal with flying colors. I pretended I was okay. I acted as a very good hostess. I treat them for lunch. I made chika-chika with the wife. I also congratulated her. My ex and I did not talk; not even a single word.

Four months after that unforgettable day, I tell my friends I am having a good time. I am enjoying my single-blessedness so much as if I haven't a care in the world. I am excited to just explore things; to go out with friends and scour the different (A-Z) eating places; to have pajama parties; to experiment on different recipes; to read my paperbacks, etc. etc. It seems that the choices are endless, I don't know which ones to do first.

People ask me when I would get married because I am not getting any younger. I tell them I will get married if the right guy comes along. I told them not to mind the age because I'd rather be married 10 years less with the right guy than 10 years more with the wrong guy.

To you my broken-hearted friend, you don't need friends who would say:
"ano ka ba, stop crying for that guy because he doesn't deserve it" or "get a grip, grow up" or things like that, so you would never hear me say those words. I heard those before and aside from the pain they caused me, they contributed nothing to my healing.

What I'll say though is this:

You need time to grieve for the broken relationship. Take as much time you need. We won't rush you. We will just be here to support you. One day, you'll be okay. Look at J_ _ _, ok na ok na siya ngayon. Dami nga prospects eh.

Ako, ok na din. Wala nga lang prospect.

Ikaw, I'm sure, magiging okay ka na din in no time. In the meantime, watch ka nalang muna ng FRIENDS series and go out with us. *._.*

A Tribute to my Spiritual Mom

2007-10-17T16:58:00.000+08:00

I got excited when one of our MBA classes required us to interview a leader that exhibits the leadership imperatives of path-finding, aligning, empowering and modelling. Next to our church pastor who I thought would be the best to interview for his proximity, I thought about somebody who inspired me and helped mold me into who I am now. Below is the paper I submitted.

The Leader I Want to Become

What is leadership?

There are many definitions of leadership. Some definitions focus on the position, while others focus on the tenure, and still others focus on the abilities. As for me, I subscribe to John C. Maxwell’s definition of leadership: "leadership is influence - nothing more, nothing less."

Leaders are influencers. They are able to persuade others to follow them. Being such entails both privilege and responsibility. Because of this, a leader should exhibit the path-finding, aligning, empowering and modeling imperatives of leadership.

The path-finding role of leadership is the ability of the leader to know where he is going. I agree with Helen Keller’s maxim that “worse than being blind would be to be able to see but not have any vision”. Visioning is very important in a leader because the vision determines where the organization would go. However, it is not enough that the leader has a vision. It is essential that he creates the right kind of vision – that which represents the company’s and team’s spirit and values, and one that makes them own.

An aligning leader knows how to create and put in place systems and structures that enable the team to work towards the realization of the vision. The rules or standards should be consistent with the goals. These should enable the team to execute major concerns and not act as roadblocks. As in any organization, a team consists of unique individuals, sharing some similarities and lots of differences, so working effectively with them is a challenge. To be able to rise above that challenge, it is important that the leader knows how to work with these differences and motivate the team to work towards the common goal. This is part of the aligning role of leadership.

I like the way one resource speaker in the class defines empowerment. She said, empowerment means taking risk with people. I think it means making a wise judgment on the abilities of people and being in the forefront of those people as they explore and venture into bigger responsibilities. It means spotting potentials from your team and giving them responsibilities accordingly. It entails encouraging them to try new things and allowing them to experiment and commit mistakes if need be. A leader who encourages excellence but also gives room for mistakes is an empowerer.

Modeling is also a very important leadership imperative. It is making sure that the leader has integrity to lead; it means that his walk matches his talk. Inconsistencies in a leader make him lose his credibility and therefore loses his influence.

As I look back on the leaders that have touched my life and those that I want to emulate, the name Adele Joseph stands out. She is the epitome of a great leader, someone that I respect and admire, and someone that I want to become.

I knew Adele back in 1997; that time when I was still a bit young and still confused about a lot of things. She was then the Regional Sales Manager of Manulife Philippines, Metro East Area. She reported directly to Mr. Renato A. Vergel De Dios, CEO of Manulife Philippines.

As a regional sales manager, Adele was in charge of meeting sales and manpower targets for the region, and training and developing sales team leaders. Also part of her responsibilities was participation in the formulation of sales policies and initiatives.

As in every leader, challenge is inevitable and the ability of the leader to rise above the challenges defines his or her leadership ability. When asked about the most difficult challenges she faced as a leader and how she dealt with them, Adele says, “one of the most difficult challenges of being a leader is to think and see yourself as one: what does it mean to be a leader? what kind of a leader am I going to be? What helped me was I think John Maxwell's definition of a leader as ‘a person of influence’. It set me free from trying to be the ’strong and willful’ leader that I thought leaders were meant to be, to one who could quietly walk around the team and influencing the individual team members towards a common goal. I also saw myself as a ‘servant-leader’ just the way Jesus is to us. I learned not to be afraid to see myself ‘serving’ the needs of the people I work with.

Below is part of the interview I had with Adele:

J: You were a consistent achiever. How did you motivate your team to work towards meeting the quotas or objectives? Aside from the quotas, did you have your own visions for your team? If so, what were they? How about the discipleship groups you were leading, did you have vision for them?

Adele: One of the most important things I believe that I did as a leader was to develop a vision for the team: a sales team that pursues excellence not only in our sales targets but even in the way we met those sales targets. We subscribe to the importance of integrity, hard work and teamwork, among other team values. On a personal level, my desire was for our team to work excellently as unto the Lord. Hence, the underlying values of our team were actually bible-based: for example, the principle of sowing and reaping; submitting to our authority in the workplace; being honest in the way we met our targets; showing love and concern for each other.

We had annual sales targets which were subdivided into monthly targets. The team was made aware at the beginning of the year of our sales target for the year. Each team member is asked to do an Annual Plan which took his/her work/personal needs, as well as the team requirements into consideration. The targets/results are reviewed on a monthly basis in a team meeting, and semi-annually during the Mid-Year Review.

With the Discipleship Group, my vision was based on Matthew 28:18-20. As I led our discipleship group, my vision was to develop disciples who in turn would lead other disciples, too. Our disciples must be faithful, available, teachable. As I led our discipleship group, I believe we all had to continue growing in those areas so that we could grow ourselves and eventually our disciples as well.

J: As a leader, what were your greatest fears?

Adele: My greatest fear at that time was probably my adequacy as a leader. There will always be people who will challenge your leadership, and make you feel they can do a better job than you. So there were definitely moments when I felt inadequate, and insecure. However, I was blessed with a direct boss who constantly affirmed his trust and confidence in my leadership. Also, I did my best to equip myself: studying, taking up agency management courses, reading, learning from good and effective managers. I also made sure I had continuing conversations with the people I work with who were honest enough to give me sound feedback on the way I was managing our group.

J: What do you think are the qualities of a good leader?

Adele: A good leader is one who is not afraid to lead. He is one who knows he has been entrusted with a role for a season; hence, his feet will be grounded on the ground, and he will not think of himself as someone who has "arrived." He takes this stewardship seriously, as the livelihood of individuals and their families are entrusted to him. A good leader has a vision for his team, and he has integrity of purpose not only for himself but also for the people that he works with.

A good leader knows his main job is to influence the people around him towards a common goal. More than that, he sees that inculcating sound values in them would enable them to become all that they can be on the job. A good leader is not afraid to let others shine; he can be quite content to stay in the background and let his team members take the spotlight. He is big enough to know that as they take the spotlight, a bigger light also beams on him.

A good leader is not afraid to make difficult decisions. When all is said and done, and reviews and conversations and even warning letters have been written, a good leader is not afraid to let people go -- people who do not commit themselves to the team goal, and who actually disrupt the team. He is not afraid to be unpopular, as the integrity of his decision will eventually come through.

J: Were there any occasions wherein you had to make tough choices or decisions? What were these decisions?

Adele: Yes, I had to ask people to leave our team. Some of the most difficult decisions had to do with asking two of my team leaders to resign. Unfortunately, these team leaders, in separate instances, were not leading their teams well.

When I had to ask someone to leave, the person would have been warned countless times -- diplomatically, then eventually sternly, then formally (written). I would have consulted the people they worked with directly, and even the more senior team members. I would have consulted my direct manager as well. After knowing that I have exhausted all options, then I make the decision, and talk to the person concerned.

After the person has left, I then talk to the team members who would be affected by the decision. I make it a point not to talk against the person who has resigned; the purpose of the meeting is simply to assure the team members that we have made a careful decision, and that we have to move on.

J: How did you empower your team?

Adele: I saw the potential in people. I had the gift of being able to see what a person can be, in spite of what he/she is at that time. Therefore, I could spot potential leaders, and I was able to affirm constantly and continuously what I saw in them. For example, one of my former sales agents was barely meeting production, but I kept telling her she has the potential to be an agency manager. You cannot imagine how distressed she was every time I posed the challenge to her! Well, true enough, she is now an Agency Manager of Manulife, with three teams under her.

I also developed people by giving them assignments. I start with small assignments, and I watch how they do it. Then I give them bigger assignments, until they are able to handle more and difficult assignments. I make them handle meetings, share in front of the group, and handle teams informally. I consult them so they know their ideas are important, and that they can be counted on to help build the team.

I make the team members see that building a team is not my job; it is everybody's job. This makes them develop a sense of ownership for the team.

J: What advice could you tell me so I could also be an effective leader?

Adele: To be an effective leader, you have to think less of yourself, and more of others. It is not about you; it is about the people you lead.

Adele’s leadership qualities are something to be admired. I am a witness to how she makes her office a room of comfort for her team, and not a place of stress.

As a leader, she led an exemplary life – no inconsistencies whatsoever. She was an authority when it comes to talking about credibility. She walked her talk. She was above reproach.

She encouraged us to live victorious lives. In a world wherein it is so hard to keep our values, she motivated us to use the bible as our standard for living. She taught us to stand up on our beliefs and values and not to be afraid to be against the flow.

I remember, being a young and rebellious team member, Adele dealt with me with diplomacy and patience. I challenged every mandate she gave us and yet she accorded me with respect and kindness.

Adele has the ability to balance being tough – to make people deliver, and being tender – to make people want to just open their hearts to her. With Adele, we can freely speak out our minds. She develops an environment wherein all of us can ask questions, no matter how stupid these questions may be. One of her principles was: if it matters to you, then it matters.

One of my most cherished memories of her is how she showed her genuine love and concern for me. I was rebellious and as such, I tend to ignore rules and disregard warnings. On one occasion, I deliberately disobeyed her orders. I got what I deserved – a painful consequence to my disobedience. Instead of scolding me and saying “I told you so” (which I could have done if I were in her shoes), she hugged me and comforted me. Not once did I hear any nagging from her. That moment, she earned my full trust and respect, and most especially, I shaped up.

I could never put into writing all the things Adele has taught me. For me, they are all lessons in life that I want to learn, re-learn and impart.

So what now? After all the things that I learned, what’s next? What do all these things mean to me?

As a leader, I know I have a very important role because I am an influencer. I can either influence others positively or negatively; I can either make or break a person. Fortunately for me, I had the privilege of having a leader that constantly builds people up. I know the effect she had on me. This is why I would like to help others experience the same thing. I would like to share the lessons I learned through Adele and pass them on to others.

I am a leader for a season. The people under me are entrusted to me and I am accountable for the influence I would have on them. As such, I know I have the responsibility to influence them into becoming the best that they can be. I realized that I can not give what I do not have so I have to still learn so many things. I can only be effective as a leader if I strive to be a better person and consistently lead myself into becoming the kind of person that I should be. . . . then I can have the integrity to lead others.

When my season of leadership ends, my only hope is to know that I would have touched a person’s life positively.

Worried sick

2007-10-17T13:05:00.000+08:00

I'm worried. I heard that my father's blood pressure shot up last night. He has been busy and into a lot of pressure for the past few days. He is running the small farm and the thresher business on his own, plus he is alone in the house and might be lonely sometimes. These, and the fact that he is not getting any younger (he will turn 63 this December) are taking a toll on his health.

The forthcoming barangay elections also adds to his worries. He has filed for candidacy (as barangay captain) even in the midst of our complaints and protests. According to him, politics in that small barrio of ours is starting to get rowdy - with the different parties throwing intrigues at each other. I don't understand how a small barangay where people know one another and everyone seems related to each other allow politics to cause a rift in their relationships. Is politics or the desire for power really that great?

Anyway, the fact that Tatay is running for office makes him a common target of intrigues. This angers him, which in turn angers me. I get angry, not with the intrigues but with Tatay's reaction to intrigues. He usually takes things personally and the opinions of others matter a great deal to him. I keep on telling him that if he wants to run for office, he should not expect all people to be pleased with him. He should not be 'pikon' because there are always those who won't agree with him, those who have different set of values from him and those whose purpose is just to create chaos. Hay, if only I can stop that election from happening . . . .

Tatay said that he really wants to help the people in our barangay. He sees the incumbent officers lacking in genuine desire to serve those who put them in office so he wants to take a chance, that if people want him, he would serve them well. Ewan ko ba!

I see my Tatay's generosity with the people. Sometimes, he is too generous that he gives to the point of abuse. This is one of the very reasons why I don't want him to run for office. I hate it when people abuse his kindness and take everything that he does for granted.

Well, I just hope that my father would be ready for whatever the outcome of the election is.

38 Questions

2007-10-16T17:34:00.000+08:00

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night? nobody

2. What were you doing at 0800? going to the office

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? picking up my boss' credit cards

4. What happened to you in 2006? a lot

5. What was the last thing you said out loud? kainis! (addressed to amex)

6. How many beverages did you have today? 2 - water & coffee (beverage ba yun?)

7. What color is your hairbrush? gray

8. What was the last thing you paid for? jeepney fare this morning

9. Where were you last night? bible class then home lang

10. What color is your front door? brown

11. Where do you keep your change? minsan sa coin purse; minsan shoot ko lang sa bag ko

12. What’s the weather like today? sunny
13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor? rocky road, avocado, manticado and cheese
14. What excites you? prospect of reading a new novel (boring 'no?)
15. Do you want to cut your hair? i just did! so short na nga eh
16. Are you over the age of 25? yup
17. Do you talk a lot? not really
19. Do you know anyone named Steven? yup, our consultant
20. Do you make up your own words? sometimes
21. Are you a jealous person? YES
22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’. Avi (isa lang ba? dami kong friends na A ang start ng name eh -- Adele, Adela, Anna, Aileen, Aldous, Allan, Amabel (tama bang i-enumerate lahat he he he)
Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’. Katal
24. Who’s the first person on your received call list? Tatay
25. What does the last text message you received say? "Ako for kapitan, kgd rene m. tejada, rafael babila, dennis v. valdez, rosalina t. lagunero, beatriz p. fernando and arsenio dc corpuz
26. Do you chew on your straw? nope
27. Do you have curly hair? i have naturally curly hair pero mukhang straight na siya ngayon
28. Where’s the next place you’re going to? ladies' room
29. Who’s the rudest person in your life? parang wala pa naman
30. What was the last thing you ate? luncheon meat and spanish sardines (sarap)
31. Will you get married in the future? i'm not sure -- if God's best come along why not?
32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks? naku, i haven't watched a movie for the past 2 weeks
33. Is there anyone you like right now? wala
34. When was the last time you did the dishes? last week
35. Are you currently depressed? nope
36. Did you cry today? nope
37. Why did you answer and post this? sabi ng manager kong si jake eh
38. Tag 5 people who would do this survey. wala pa akong ma-tag eh. sowee . . . .

Gracious Uncertain

2007-10-15T13:05:00.000+08:00

Finally, I have come to realize that there is nothing certain on this world except God. I have learned to let go of my illusions and demand for certainty. They are simply useless to be clinging to.

You see, I started to second guess God and His will. I thought, "If I did this or that, God would give me this." "If I worked hard, God would grant me that." etc. etc. This is like putting God in a box, and this is very wrong.

I realized that I should be still and wait on God because I am assured that He loves me and He has my best interests at heart. I know that He is causing all things to happen - that though there are seemingly unpleasant things that are coming my way, I have peace because the one who put them there loves me. I am reassured that He makes me face hardships so I would be molded into the kind of woman that He wants me to be. Putting all of these to heart makes me gracious to all the uncertainties.

Antidote to Doubt

2007-10-12T16:42:00.000+08:00

Over the past few weeks, doubt has again started to rear its ugly head. As I look back on the things that triggered it, I came to realize that the unanswered prayers are the culprit. But come to think of it, the prayers were not really unanswered; God just answered them in a different way - in a way that I didn't like and that started a rebellion on my part.

O, how easy it is for me to rebel against God and forget all the things that He has done for me. I'm quite ashamed of myself. My prayer is that, no matter what happens, I would always see the hand of God in everything, and that I would never forget His goodness.

This Don Moen song could be a very good reminder . . . .

Lord You Are Good
Where would I be
If You had not been by my side
How could I rise to meet
The morning of the day
Your tender mercy
Always calling from behind
At times I could not see You
Even though You were close by

Lord You are good
You are Good
And Your mercy forever endures
Lord You are good
You are good
And Your mercy forever endures

Help me to see Your loving kindness
Help me to see You as You are
Help me to see Your loving kindness
Help me to see You as You are
As You really really are

And Your mercy forever endures
And Your mercy forever endures

Three-in-a-row

2007-10-11T08:28:00.000+08:00

I've heard of yet another friend's dad's death early this morning. This is the third in a span of three months. From August, a "dad" that I know dies. I couldn't help but to be concerned (I think disturb is more like it). The first death has been disturbing; the second one has been a struggle, and now another death!

I know death is inevitable; everyone dies, others sooner than the others, but somehow, I couldn't help but to be affected. I wonder what message God wants to tell me about these deaths. Is there something he wants to tell me about my family?

My family has always been my waterloo because it has always been "them" that come first in my life. In a way, they have become my "idol". I know God is displeased whenever we put somebody or something before Him. I have been very cautious not to be idolatrous and I think I have been doing well.

Am I wrong in my self-assessment then? Is this another case of "thinking I am standing up so now I fell"?

I wanna know what God has to say to me. I really am disturbed.

Special Child

2007-10-09T17:19:00.000+08:00

Today I met a special child. His name is Timothy.

I arrived too early in my godson's birthday party then this boy of about nine or 10 approached me. He was so curious; he kept on asking a lot of questions. When the party started, he became so unruly. He kept on poking the mascot. He also kept on touching the giveaways, the cake, the emcees. His poor mother followed him around but couldn't do much as she was with another baby girl, obviously also a special child.

I felt my heart being pinched looking at the special child especially when he started to move from table to table and licked the leftover icecreams.

I wonder, what kind of life would he have when he gets older? Would he be able to cope with the mainstreams? Is there still a chnace for him to grow normally? What kind of future is in store for him?

I prayed for him but I wonder what else can I do to help.

Finally, my first!!

2007-10-08T13:08:00.000+08:00

At long last, I mustered enough boldness and courage and got myself a Brazilian wax.

I've been wanting to experience this but somehow, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I feel so embarrass just imagining how I would look like sprawled on the bed with a stranger looking at my private part. I told myself I will try it when I find somebody I would feel comfortable with; somebody who could make me feel at ease.

Last Friday, I found that someone. As I had my regular eyebrow waxing, I met this woman. She offered Brazilian wax but that time I still felt uncomfortable so I said I would think about it.

During the waxing, it seemed that we've known each other for a long time. We chatted unceasingly and I found myself telling her things that I only tell my close friends. I realized that if ever I would try Brazilian wax, now is the perfect time, or else I would have cold feet again. In short I decided to go ahead with it.

I don't quite know how to describe the experience. For me, it was more shameful than it was painful. Sure, the pain was there, what with all the hair being pulled out but it was not much compared to the embarrassment of stripping infront of an almost stranger and letting her inspect the parts I have been hiding. I didn't feel so much pain because I think I was so focused on the shame. It acted as an anaesthesia, I guess.

The lady was very good with what she was doing. She had light hands and she made me feel at ease despite the position I was in-sprawled on the bed, naked from the waist down. It was embarrassing especially when I was asked to open my legs a little wider; more so when she meticulously inspected my private part to make sure all the hair was removed. I was so relieved when it was over.

Indeed, it was quite an experience. The shame and awkwardness, and even the pain were all worth the feeling of lightness and cleanness I feel right now.

Will I do it again? Definitely!!!!

Trust His Heart

2007-09-06T21:11:00.000+08:00

One of my favorite songs . . . .

All things work for our good though sometimes we don’t see how they could.
Struggles that break our hearts in two sometimes blinded to the truth.
Our Father knows what best for us His ways are not our own.
So when your pathway grows dim and you just don’t see him
remember you’re never alone.

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind. So when you don’t understand
when you don’t see His plan when you can’t trace His hand trust his heart, trust his heart.
(He alone is faithful and true he alone knows what is best for you).

He sees the master plan and he holds our future in His hand
so don’t live as those who have no hope for our hope is found in him.
We see the present clearly but he sees the 1st and the last and like a tapestry he’s weaving you and me to someday be just like him Ohhh.

John Wooden, A Timeless Leader

2007-09-06T20:58:00.000+08:00

"A life not lived for others is not life."

"Reputation is what others perceive you as being, and their opinion maybe right or wrong. Character, however, is what you really are, and nobody truly knows that but you. But you are what matters most."

"It's better to trust and be disappointed sometimes than to mistrust and be miserable the rest of your life."

"Be quick, but not hurry."

"Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming."

"Talent is God-given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful."

"A player who makes a team great is more valuable than a great player. Losing yourself in the group, for the good of the group, that’s teamwork."

"Sports don't build character, they reveal it."

"Failing to prepare is preparing to fail."

"Don't mistake activity for achievement."

"Goodness Gracious sakes alive."

"The worst things you can do for the ones you love are things they could and should do for themselves."

"You don't know our coach. He doesn't see color. He just sees ballplayers."

"Little things make big things happen."

"It's what you learn after you know it all that counts."

"When everyone is thinking the same, no one is thinking."

Very meaningful words. . . . These are just some of the quotes I got from watching the John Wooden Clip.

Who is John Wooden?

John Robert Wooden is a retired American basketball coach. He is a member of the Basketball Hall of Fame as both a player and a coach. He was the first person ever enshrined in both categories; only Lenny Wilkens and Bill Sharman have since been so honored. He is widely regarded as the greatest college coach in history and his 10 NCAA National Championships while at UCLA are unmatched.

John Wooden took on the challenge of coaching an ailing basketball team. People wouldn't know how he turned a "loser" team into a team of champions. Members of the team have these to say about him:

"He never talked about winning."

"He encourages us to be the best of what we do; that we can still look in the mirror after doing it."

John Wooden walked his talked. He aligned basketball with each of the member's real life. Like every coach, I am very sure that he had envisioned to win, but he translated that vision to a bigger picture by encouraging each one to do and be the best that he can.

Indeed, he is a timeless leader. Long after he's gone, his words and deeds will be remembered.